My Journey Hasn't Been Perfect

As of today, I have been a Beachbody coach for exactly four months. In some ways it's gone incredibly fast and in other ways it's been the longest four months of my life (for both good and bad reasons). I feel like I've already shared all of my good experiences over the last four months, to the point where I almost feel fake by not talking about the hard things I've gone through. So today I'm going to be completely open and transparent about how hard the last four months have been. I'm not sharing this to be a downer or to get you to feel sorry for me. I simply want to show you that behind all of the upbeat posts and shiny pictures is someone who is just as real and broken as anyone else. 

Let's start at the beginning. Four months ago when I signed up as a coach I was in one of the darkest periods in my life.  I had basically hit rock bottom. When I looked in the mirror I didn't recognize myself, both physically and emotionally. Physically, I was the heaviest I had ever been in my entire life, literally 100 pounds overweight. And emotionally, I felt empty inside, which showed in my eyes when I looked in the mirror. I was desperate for a change and had thought of many ways that I could start over, from starting a new job to moving across the country. I was in dire need of a fresh start.

When I heard about the Beachbody coaching opportunity I knew immediately that it was what I had been waiting for. This was the change that would give me the opportunity to start new and find the old me. My plan was to follow 21 Day Fix and get back to a healthy weight while also building my own business, which would give me both purpose and passion back into my life. At first I felt euphoric and I was amazed at how much better I felt almost immediately. I was excited to get out of bed each day and I had pages of lists on everything that I wanted to accomplish. And I was making it happen. I quickly started to lose weight and was getting positive feedback about my choice to start my own business. I felt unstoppable.

But then reality started to set in. Not every day was a great day and I started to lose those feelings of euphoria. There were days when I just couldn't make myself work out, even though I knew that was one of the main tasks of being a coach and even though losing weight and getting healthier was something that I wanted more than anything else. Sometimes that just wasn't even enough to get me moving. And so I started to doubt myself and wonder if I was really cut out to be a coach. I was determined to share my story and hoped I was still inspiring people to change their lives, but at the same time I was starting to lose momentum in changing my own life. 

Around the holidays I basically gave up on trying to be productive and stopped trying to stay on track. I told myself that once the new year hit I would get back to it and start fresh...again.  Six weeks have gone by since the new year started and honestly, things still aren't where I would like them to be.

​This past week I was in Texas for work and I had every intention of working out in my hotel room each night and of making healthy food choices despite the fact that I would be eating out every meal for four days. While I did give myself some leeway on food choices, I was able to start each day with a healthy breakfast and also accomplish my goal of not eating any dessert while I was gone. But…I did zero workouts. So that makes me feel like crap. I told myself I would do something and I didn't do it. Period.

Today's a new day and another fresh start, so to speak. I've got plans for getting back on track (again) and am hopeful that I can stick to it this time. Truthfully I was almost too afraid to weigh myself this morning because I didn't want to see how much progress I've lost.  When I did weigh myself I realized that I haven't lost any weight for a month. Sigh. I am hopeful that I will have a good week and can eat healthy and work out and basically treat my body the way it deserves to be treated, which is with respect and love.  

​So that's it, that's my whole story. Thankfully it doesn't end here and there's plenty of time to turn things around and build the life I've imagined. I'm determined not to give up and I am grateful to know that I'm not alone. I truly appreciate all of the love and support I've been given by the people in my life. I do realize I am my own biggest critic and am going to start focusing on how I can make each day count.

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I hope this was helpful for you to hear. We all know that no one's life is perfect and that everyone publicly shares the good stuff and tends to gloss over the not-so-good stuff. My main goal is to be open and honest with you throughout my journey so that you know you're not the only one who has bad days. If I can help just one person get through a hard day they are having then I have accomplished my goal.